i'm dead.my voice's lyk shit.i feel lyk shit.everytink abt me is lyk shit.simple enuff?short,simple n...ok...nt sweet....more lyk shit.i'm sry dat i'm usin dis word over n over again so i'll juz tot i'll change it 2 crap.bt meaning's de same.y i'm using full stops here instead of my usual style is cuz i juz dun feel lyk wasting my 'breath'.i've finally met up 2 reality,(at lest i tink so), n i wun b doin anytink much.juz stay behind the spotlights n mind my own business.shut my big mouth,study hard n gt wad i wan.sounds lyk a gr8 plan.a selfish plan.wadever.tinks wun last forever.i gt dis in my brain n its time 2 meet up w/ wad i realli wan.so dat's dat.i'm sticking 2 wad i wan. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -(stops for a moment) who in hell am i kiddin?i wun do tinks dat i say.at least nt much.crap.wadever.i dun even noe wad i'm spouting nw.crap.crap.crap.crap.crap!i'm gg crazy bt on the surface i look completely fine.juz tired.since no one cares might as well save energy.4 coughing.at the moment onli.when i've recovered,i'll b a new me.dat's wad i always say.n has it happened?nope.nt at all.so who am i kidding?myself?those who pretend 2 care abt me?i dunno.suddenly feel sick of life n who i am.bt i wun end my life.dat's stupid.onli fools will die cuz of feeling sick of life.everybody does at some time or another.i'm gonna change the way i type n write tinks.in the style n shortforms etc.dunno y.mayb a change will make me feel better.juz suddenly hate shortforms.wadever.gtg.mum's shouting.bb.

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[5:20:00 PM]

shit.....i gt a sore throat.....the last straw muz hav been the fries i ate @ mac ytd 4 lunch........my throat hurts n i gt eng oral on tue.......betta drink lots of water ba......or else i'm gonna sound lyk shit......cnnt laugh too much 2....hurts.....ytd i had lots 2 say bt nw.....zilch......nada...............................dunno y.......blank.....sian.havn finished my papercut......i'm pretty sure my mum n dad will buy me an mp3 player....bt mayb nt the 1 i wan.....depends on my results......i wanna take bio bt triple sci too stress n i dun wan go sub.....so hw?dunno.......juz do my best ba...........dis shld b my last entry b4 the exams le ba.....cuz i cnt use the com anymore aft dis....til the end of the exams.....

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[11:16:00 AM]

You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl who's kicking the coke machine
I'm the one that's honking at you 'cause I left late again
[CHORUS]:
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Could you see I want you by the way I push you away, yeah!
Don't judge me tomorrow by the way I'm acting today
Mix the words up with the actions do it all for your reaction, yeah!
Hey! Hey!
Get tangled up in me
You want to know more, more, more about me
Got to know reverse psychology
I'm the reason why you can't get to sleep
I'm the girl you never get just quite what you see
[CHORUS]:
You think that you know me (Get tangled up in me)
You think that I'm lonely (Get tangled up in me)
When everything I do is only to get tangled up in you..
You want to know more, more, more about me
I'm the girl that's sweeping you off your feet
[CHORUS]

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:30:00 PM]

today actually quite happy...bt in the end gt sumtink bad happen.......my instrument spoil.....................................sobz..........so sad.......haiz............today was a day mixed w/ laughter n attitudes......dun wanna elaborate la....btw,today kena caught 2 times...by mdm renuka 4 tucking out tshirt n by mdm luan 4 slpin in claz....she call me 2 times i oso nv hear...onli when yp jabbed me den i woke.....slowly la........dun care wad....anyway all she go thru cn read in the bk........sianz.....tired......crap.......

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:08:00 PM]

stress!stress!stress!frm sch,frm teachers,frm class competition,frm streaming,frm life,frm parents!even frm myself!to hell w/ stress!my nerves r wearing thin..n i dun seem 2 b able 2 meet up 2 ppl's expectations..i juz feel lyk slpin n shouting my frustrations..ARGH!!wad if i dun get it?wad if i gt claz position 15 n below???hw am i supposed 2 do all the sh*t in abt 2 wks?haiz.....feeling so damn tired n i cnt gt time 4 slp..nxt wk so many tests.there juz doesn seem 2 b enuff time 4 everytink..i nd a break frm dis damn frantic life..b4 i collapse...its juz toooo much 4 me 2 take...i wish i could do sumtink betta than ranting n raving bt i cnt..............ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[4:11:00 PM]

today went 2 sther's hm 2 do art again.suddenly i'm lyk so hardworking...dunno y...weird...been tired these few days..probably bcuz of the lack of slp and laughing too much both in class n aft sch...ppl in 2c1 shld noe v clearly wad we r laughing about..-_^been full of crap this days....cuz i've finally unzipped my mouth....it made me feel a lot betta...lyk wad had been clogging my mind has been removed...so i gt more memory space left in my mind...lyk a com....today quite happy la....juz tok tok tok.....bt during hist lesson mdm yahida(i dunno hw 2 spell her name..shld b liddat ba?) tok tok tok...den i felt so slpy....so i put my head on the bk,at first i was looking @ the "handsome" POW mdm yahida said...den i closed my eyes....den wabiang,limin go shout "esther,wake up!" frm the far right of the clazrm...everybody in the claz heard lo....i laokui....=( bt nvm la....who ask me everytime kajiao her?den aft dat chinese....sian.....teacher so fast mark finish the dreams of red chambers test....nth betta do ar?de my mark still ok la....nt bad 4 sum1 who nv realli studied....den she oso gave back the test...our claz lyk slack....let those ppl who no nd study become the top 3 in claz...they have no nd 2 study cuz sg chinese lesson too trival 4 them liao la....bt last time highest is lyk 95 liddat...nw 92...summore cuz average 70 onli......dunno wad to say liao.....so bb...

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[7:52:00 PM]

finally finished the history project..gt a sense of satisfaction....bt still gt a lot hmwk leh.art....haiz.....hope i redo le will b betta ba...or else waste my effort....dis wk has been gg pretty smoothly...gtg le....havn do finsh hmwk....

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:16:00 PM]

my dad's juz reinstalled windows xp software 2 gt rid of the bugs n all dat....nw its running smoothly n so much faster den b4..shiok ar....nw i feel quite ok...the zip has been open..by juz a fraction of a margin......i dun realli noe wad 2 say nw...juz feel so tired n slpy....bt still gt art 2 do...shit la....sian...lucky nxt yr no nd take art...dunno wad i'm saying nw la...loads of crap...completely no sequence....wadever........

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:43:00 PM]

dunno wad 2 do...still left hist project,a lil bit of maths,chinese zuowen.....n the stupid dreams of the red chambers....dunno y dat teacher call us read.waste of $ n time....haiz...been having really weird dreams these days...really makes no sense....today woke up @ 12.....noon....crazy de lo....bt still havn break record la.....my record is 3+,4 liddat in the aftnn......siao de.....bt still nt as power as yuxian la....hers is lyk 15h......-_-...a bunch of lazy pigs......juz read my horoscope...damn accurate......i dunno y i even bother 2 come up here n write abt my life......when wad i write is juz barely on the surface......wadever.........

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[1:46:00 PM]

juz wondering.......y do ppl hav blogs since most of them dun put their real feelings n tots on it?do we use 3rd person pronouns so as 2 'protect' ppl's privacy?or izzit dat they juz simply still cnt let go n say wad they lyk,4 fear of the ppl gg 2 read their blog??maybit is all of them....mayb all of the above reasons....i admit dat i am all of dat....dat causes me 2 hav some control n nt go all crazy n riled up dat i blabber all of wad i tink n feel abt particular ppl 2 the whole world....as in the internet world dat is......i dunno y i even bother 2 hav a blog since nt many ppl cares.....mayb my world IS revolving ard some particular ppl....lyk wad i said 2 sum1...it hurt the person...n i've been sry since....i admit i'm contradicting...it's 2 protect myself....frm ppl discovering me.....bt mayb,cuz of dat.....gradually they'll gt sick of my sarcasm n fade away......mayb................

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:00:00 PM]

today wasn a realli gr8 or bad day 4 me....ytd was ok too...juz felt..........haiz....in the end it turned out pretty all right...juz w/ the diff ppl....reached hm feeling pretty happy...today woke @ 10+...den juz did a lil reading den gt ready 2 go 4 hist remedial.....juz couldn find 2c1 claz tee so decided 2 gt out the 1c1 claz tee out of its hiding...when reached the sch saw no 1 wearing the same tee as me....expected.....wun elaborate in case i gt hoot....hist juz go over exam format....mostly a waste of time since nt much ppl were concentrating.....until nw,i'm still thinking whether i'm wallowing in self pity since nobody bothers 2 even tell me whether i am...posted dis song 1985 lyrics cuz i tot it's quirky n fun....i wonder when the zip on my mouth will split....2wks?3?a month?or more?

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[7:30:00 PM]

Woo-hoo-hoo
Woo-hoo-hoo
Debbie just hit the wall
She never had it all
One Prozac a day
Husbands a CPA
Her dreams went out the door
When she turned twenty four
Only been with one man
What happen to her plan?
She was gonna be an actress
She was gonna be a star
She was gonna shake her ass
On the hood of White Snake's car
Her yellow SUV, is now the enemy
Looks at her average life
And nothing, has been, alright
Since Bruce Springstein, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985
Woo-hoo-hoo
1985
Woo-hoo-hoo
She's seen all the classics
She knows every line
Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink
Even Saint Elmo's Fire
She rocked out to wham
Not a big Limp Bizkit fan
Thought she'd get a hand
On a member of Duran Duran
Where's the mini-skirt made of snake skin
And who's the other guy singing in Van Halen
When did reality, become T.V.
What ever happen to sitcoms, game shows
On the radio was
Springstein, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985
Woo-hoo-hoo
She hates time, make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop!
Stop!
Stop!
And bring back
Springstein, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 1985
Bruce Springstein, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2, and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids, in high school
They tell her that she's uncool
But she's still preoccupied
With 19, 19, 1985

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[7:28:00 PM]

today went 2 watch anacondas w/ dad n sis...nt bad lo...quite exciting...haiz...still havn gotten much work done...betta pull up my socks 4 the next few days.......tmr gg 4 the alumni concert...hope dat i cn av a gr8 time ba....probably nt......dunno......self-pitying freak.......calling who?myself....haiz.....went thru my tinks the last few days n found a folder of primary sch....it said dat ppl who r self-pitying hav low self esteem...probably very much true.........haiz......gotta go.....or else i cnt use the com nxt time liao.........

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[7:47:00 PM]

my resolution 4 the moment is 2 keep my mouth shut n mind my own business...i shant say xtra tinks which piss ppl off...irritate ppl etc...i will juz say wad i shld say...speak when spoken to....i shant make comments on wad's nt my business....i shant act lyk a _ _ _ _-_ _-_ _ _....i guess it's a lil bit 2 l8 2 realise it nw bt it's betta den nth....being the chatterbox dat i am...it's realli diff. bt i'll hafta try....4 my own gd....i cn sense wad's happening so it's betta juz 2 act dat i dunno...bt lyk i cn.....i will nt make a fool of myself such as cracking lame jokes.i will juz concentrate on my studies nw...all the above r my resolutions...i hope i cn fufil all the tinks dat has come out of my big mouth...gives me nth bt trouble.....=x....*zips mouth*

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:09:00 PM]

i dunno wad 2 say...today quite happy...n quite sad too...dun wanna elaborate..dun even wanna 2 summarise wad happened today.....juz feel plain tired............juz came here 2 say dat i've cut my hair n it looks the same as b4...so no big surprise....sigh......gg off le...b......

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[5:43:00 PM]

haiz...today c sther de ipod den so sian mu......haiz...made me wanna gt the ipod mini asap...bt nt enuf $...haiz...juz hafta wait...today went 2 je aft remedial...all of us decided 2 go kfc as they couldn wait 4 tables as mac was crowded...so had quite a heavy breakfast...still brunch 4 me...siti ate a lot....aft eating @ kfc she went 2 buy 2 pancakes frm jollybean den aft dat she went 2 mac w/ me 2 buy an icecream cone each...den she went hm w/ th...jm went soon aft...we waited outside library...there was already a crowd....saw the guys frm band....den when library open we call *cheong* hm n yp go take the seats 1st...gt the pun?anyway,we actually wanted 2 go 2 the 4th floor bt yp insisted on gg 2 the 2nd floor...den we did our wk 4 lyk 15mins n den the librarian gave out a leaflets sayin dat we cnt study in the reference section durin wkends...or we'll b forced 2 scram...(dat's nt wad she said la..she said we'll have to leave the library..bt same meaning..=))so we went up....bt of cuz...almoz everywhere was occupied cept the corner where the fish incident happened...haha...so we went back...did hmwk 4 a while....was rare dat i was actually serious today...mayb cuz of the company....den thx 2 the courtesy of sther,i gt 2 listen 2 music usin her ipod....listened 2 "under my skin","autobiography" n "the fairyland in reality"....found out dat oth than "pieces of me",most of the songs in ashlee simpson's album is nt bad lo...den i decided 2 go down n borrow bks since our bodes were all achin...sther followed me...bt l8r she complained dat i took a long time 2 borrow bks...haha...paiseh ar?den gl came back n brought 2 ppl w/ her...(she went off 4 a while)..who they were have no nd 2 appear in dis blog...none of my business...n so we went hm....the others went 1st den i n sther loiter ard popular 4 a while den went separate ways.....sian....haiz....today quite happy lo...sther shld noe...haha...i wonder when cn i gt an ipod mini???????

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[9:34:00 PM]

i wonder if i cn break away frm my present life...bt i tink dat's impossible...so i'll juz spread my wings n learn hw 2 fly...haha...lyrics frm the song..lyk dat song a lot....anyway,today go sch..kept quiet @ 1st...den the 2 of them come..den she(th) ask me hw 2 form a sentence w/ a chinese idiom..i told her i dunno..cuz i realli couldn tink of anytink @ dat moment since i didn study...den 1st bell rang..she blasted @ me..say wad cn i dun show her attitude..den i blasted back..den we quarrel a while til ms toh come..den say wad happened?we 2 keep quiet den others call us lac...den th stood behind me,since siti siam out of our way..den aft the anthem,pledge,sch song singing...th sat right behind...leavin an empty space btween us...4 once ms toh didn call us 2 move in front...there was a space in front of me n hm..den i knew l8r when we 2 were ok dat ms toh oso asked her wad happened..she asked th wad happened den th insisted nth..den call her ask me..den when ms toh ask me i said dat it was our private matters n it was nth...den she still squatted there 4 lyk anth 30secs b4 standing up while i looked in front..ignoring her...den go back claz i take limin's file den th take her bag den go liao..sowing attitude obviously...i took shirley's bag too den walked..slowly...den in claz i decided 2 write 2 her lo...1st time den call kw help me catch when i threw it 2 him since she confirm wun take de wad..she reply..n l8r tinks were ok..since she tok cock onli juz cuz i show her attitude...i tot i had the perfect reason 2...bt juz 4gt it...so we ok..den toh call her change place...bt we still passed notes..den toh saw..bt nv say anytink...bt during recess found out muz change place..bt dun care..den aft eating we all had a laugh out of wad happened in the quad w/ ms toh...den when we went back gt 2 noe our new places..i was sittin w/ yp!yeah...all of us(us 5) were situated in the back so it makes no much diff...juz nt used dat pesky max is sittin in front of me...crap...den passed the day peacefully till the 2h of chinese..shit man...test still ok la...cn pass...bt halfway thru almoz slp...my eyeswere half-closed n my head was bobbing...den i wrote groggily...so if gt wrong character den bopian lo...-_-"...den cher giv us break...5min become 15+mins...dunno hw agar time...h8 her lyk hell...more reason 2 l8r...den th,limin n me lazy go down so tok cock outside claz...laugh laugh laugh till cher come lo...den she tok abt hol hmwk...tuned out...yet again...her lessons i lyk the most...nt cuz of her teaching...cuz i cn slack n slp...den call the editorial board 4 the chinese claz newsletter...suka suka pull in dat xiaoxuan...dat aft dat i n gl giv suggestion abt lyk intro websites 2 frenz den she ask wad websites they were...i say cn decide l8r..den she suan me say wad when i say l8r she v scared...den i show attitude...i noe its nt rite...bt i was juz pissed off @ dat moment...so i say..wad's the point of calling me since u dun even wan my suggestion?den i juz stalked off....n she oso didn care wad...so i dun c wad's the point in being in the editorial board since the cher's the 1 makin all the decisions..she might as well form the editorial board by herself..i'm gonna quit the board if i gt a chance....i tink the cher doesn even care...so...wadever......den aft dat went kfc eat lunch w/ sther n jh...tok quite a lot...bt nt much in depth as we covered a lot of topics...den go big bkshop c c...den we went hm lo.....dis wk lyk a lot of tinks happen....nt a v happy wk...if i could i'd rather hav a peaceful wk where nth happens.......

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[8:27:00 PM]

today sux..basically..cuz my back's aching lyk hell...all bcuz of $#%@!& la...c if any1 cn guess..-_-"..so was nt in a gd mood lo...yuyuan v. chum..he gt most of my bushuang remarks..come 2 tink of it..he's always the 1..so here i'm sayin sry 2 u,yuyuan..haiz.. summore the 2 of them toked nt more than 30 words 2 me today..i didn too..of cuz la..waddya expect..tok 2 the wall arh?den tok cock w/ oth ppl la..juz a lil nt used dat they kept on givin me those looks bt still..its nt lyk there's much diff frm the past isn it?music dat time made a fool of ourselves..dunno play wad la...den ms kuo still said v. creative...wadever..i dun even care abt music..den i went past the oth clazes either juz listenin 2 the teacher,tokin 2 siti,gl or yy,or juz tuned out n tot abt tinks...den remedial dat time siti told me sumtink v. interesting..i went 2 the blog she was sayin bt could c it..hope she'll point it out 2 me l8r...didn realli listen 2 ms karina's lesson as i was juz moping ard n toking w/ siti as though as the teacher wasn there.....den,aft dat..i saw jessica n amily as i was coming down w/ the claz frm the mrl..was tinking dat hw come nobody's gg hm nw..den she call me 2 go over n ask me y i juz said yo 2 her ytd online den nv tok le..i a lil shock tio la..she normally nv tok 2 me de wad..so she expect me say...nt much 2 say lo...den ended up walking by myself cuz i didn wanna walk w/ the ppl upfront...(yy,ben n th)..DEN,finally she wanna tok 2 me la...i show her attitude lo...lyk "wad u wanna say?!nth rite?!k bb..." cuz i realli v. pissed off w/ her cuz i had the reason 2...since i've confirmed sumtink dat i hypothesized..tinks r still v. contradicting n remaining the way it was b4..perhaps it was meant 2 b...dunno... u c...1st i clarify tinks den the person juz suddenly bochup bochup liddat...den anth 1 lyk pissed off w/ me....n i dunno y...den suddenly the 1 who i tink is pissed off toks 2 me as if nth happened...wad the hell is gg on??dat i dunno...bt the 2 of them r juz so so so weird...i dunno la....nw i'm realli moody n dun wish 2 do anytink so if they dun wanna cherish wad's left of dis friendship or anytink....i'm nt gg 2 care...4 the moment...until i feel lyk it...if they c this n blow their tops so wad?i'm juz gonna throw a rare tantrum...do wad i lyk 4 a while...till my sense of responsibility n frenship comes back i'm juz gonna live my life as i wan it...bt it seems realli hard 2 accomplish...mayb i'm juz having a daydream..haiz...wadever...i'm juz gonna wallow in my misery of tinks dat hav happened n hav come @ an untimely time...geddit?i tink the gals geddit..haha...wadever...juz tot of sumtink....shld i help sum1 make a pepper spray???mayb it'll realli help her...hmmmmm....if i've nth betta 2 do...juz feel uncomfortable nw....feelin lyk shit...bored,grumpy,ready 2 lash out @ any1 who pisses me off nw,sick n tired,uncomfortable etc...i'm feeling a lot of tinks @ a time eh?dunno...wadever...nw dunno y gt time juz come n write blog...habit liao...bt oths ard me aren updating...ok...mayb they r..bt nt as much as me,the boliao gal.....i tink i'd betta chill out a lil.......................................

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[4:18:00 PM]

today woke up @ 11..den went 4 brunch w/ dad n sis..den we went 2 je den 2 bukit batok n den back 2 je again..boliaoz rite?bt we had nth betta 2 do..so walk ard den buy sumtinks la..den on the way 2 je library saw jessica with fengrui...juz say hi lo..den go return bks borrowed w/ sther's n huimin's ezlink...i wonder if they're overdue...if overdue i die...paid quite a large sum 4 my card's fine or else cnt borrow bks..den walk ard...nth betta 2 do again..frm 4+ till 6+...den meet mum n went 2 imm..juz reached hm n bathed n packed bag etc..last nite had dis really weird dream..i'll hav weird dreams dat make absolutely no sense once in a while..dis 1 was particularly horrible...sumtink i wouldn want 2 witness in a few decades..i cnt realli rmb if i cried in reality bt in the dream i did..a lot..luckily i heard frm sumwhere last time dat dreams r the complete opp. frm reality...so i guess it should b alrite..i hope my brain doesn play tricks on me so as 2 gimme these dreams..or nightmares.....still havn cheeredup wadsoever...hope sumtink or sum1 cn help me frm dis...bt i tink dat nth will happen frm my plea...i'm juz so tired..realli wish 2 slp 4 a whole full day or more...i'm also wondering if i'm suffering frm depression...hope nt...a lot of hopes..bt none fufiled.....................

i cried...because of tinks i couldn stop frm happening...`
[10:47:00 PM]